You probably remember it from the first weeks of your relationship… when an older, “wiser” couple would nod and say, “just wait until the honeymoon is over!”
The Honeymoon Phase of a relationship is real – the beginning stages when everything is magical: you’re infatuated, can’t keep your hands off each other, everything is fun and wonderful. (It’s even got a scientific name: limerence.)
But this period of intense novelty and chemistry has just one problem: it ends. Sooner or later, new wears off and becomes normal. Chemistry is replaced with comfort, spontaneity is replaced with routine.
Three tips to keep the Honeymoon Phase alive in your relationship:
- Be friends!
Don’t fall for the Hollywood fantasy of a relationship – that’s 100% honeymoon phase! Sure, you’ll have friends outside of your marriage, but really, he’ll be your best friend. So make sure that you’re being a good friend to him too! Ask questions and get to know the cast of characters in his life. Learn what activities he loves and be an active part of them.
- Focus on intimacy
It’s not just sex (although that’s important too!) but focusing on emotional and spiritual intimacy – beyond the physical. Talk in detail about what you like and dislike. Listen to her goals and dreams. Let her see you in all your vulnerability not just your strength. It shows her it’s okay to come to you with any emotion.
- Learn to compromise
The honeymoon phase is where you’re only seeing the similarities. A real, lasting marriage is where you learn to compromise on the differences. It’s not about giving up or suppressing your wants, needs, and desires. It’s about learning to celebrate those differences and find ways that you can both win.
If you’re looking for ways to connect with your spouse (be friends), share your triumphs and heartbreaks (be intimate), and your differences (so you can compromise). If you’re getting stuck on how to relate and connect, my free Driver’s Test is a great resource for you.