Over the course of many years of working with couples, I’ve identified four psychological drivers that motivate each of us, in varying degrees, and affect our marriages. Every person has one or two drivers that are more prominent than the other two, and by understanding which of these drive your spouse, you have the power to positively affect the quality of your marriage and your partner’s happiness. In a previous post, I discussed “The Good and Bad of Being Gregarious,” the first of the Four Drivers. Today, I’ll discuss the second Driver: Unique.
The Unique driver pushes your spouse to achieve recognition, significance, and importance. Often, Unique spouses are high achievers and great providers. They’re charismatic, witty, smart, and enjoy gaining the respect and admiration of everyone around them. In their best expression, they are wonderful people to know and love!
Your Unique spouse is, some would say, a “special snowflake.” As such, they feel like they are different, and to a certain extent separate, not truly connected with you because their focus is mostly centered on themselves and how they can succeed in their goals. They may become domineering, insisting that their way is the best way – and the only way.
How Best to Treat Your Unique Spouse
When supported by a spouse who makes them feel important and valued, the Unique is destined for great things. But if they feel unappreciated and unimportant at home, they tend to seek validation where they can get it (many Uniques become workaholics, basking in the glow of C-Level status). To create a happy home life for your Unique, start by simply wishing them to “Have a great day at work” in the morning, or telling them “I’m so happy to see you back home” at night. Little things like this make Uniques feel valued, important and recognized.
A happy, valued and praised Unique spouse makes an admirable and powerful life partner. Just be sure to treat him or her like the special individual they are, or they may look for that validation elsewhere.