Three Fatal Habits That Can Destroy Your Marriage
In the video below, Dr. Jose Gomez will coach you on the three most destructive habits during an argument that can truly kill your marriage.
The famous Russian writer, Leo Tolstoy, once wrote: “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” Some people blame their failed marriages on the actions of their spouse. Others will blame financial hardship or familial stressors.
However, many happily married couples also have financial limitations, severe illnesses or some other types of personal hardships. They are not just somehow “luckier” than everyone else. Neither outside stressors nor internal stressors are to blame for failed marriages.
It’s actually far simpler than that. Success or failure depends on how you HANDLE the challenges that arise in your marriage. Couples with destructive fighting habits have an 85-90% chance of getting divorced. How you handle your marriage and arguments should be taken seriously!
Three most destructive habits in marriage and arguments that cause divorce or separation.
The first destructive habit is invalidation. This is when one spouse uses putdowns and discounts, frequently cited as “just teasing”; or when there is severe verbal abuse that nullifies the other spouse.
The second destructive habit that people exercise during an argument is withdrawal. This happens when a couple is fighting and one of the spouses gets very angry, and the other spouse stops talking or leaves the conversation and nothing is resolved.
The third very destructive habit is hiding negative emotions such as anger, and pretending that everything is OK. By doing this, neither person gets visibly “angry”, but, problems go unresolved, while the underlying anger and negative emotion leads to more resentment.
If you recognize these habits in your own relationship, know that while changing a habit is difficult, it’s also possible to do. When it comes to your marriage and arguments, the next time you need to discuss a sensitive issue with your spouse, keep in mind these three goals:
- Take turns talking, and listen carefully.
- Start with the assumption that both of you have good reasons for your opinions and your feelings.
- Realize that your goal during an argument is not to “win”, but rather to find a mutually agreeable solution.
By keeping these 3 goals in mind during your marriage and arguments, you are on your way to a successful marriage!