Seven Ways To End Monotony In Your Marriage!

Most of us get married expecting it to be the next great adventure of our lives only to end up with monotony in your marriage. But between jobs, kids, and the day to day living, marriage becomes routine, boring and monotonous.

Life shouldn’t be boring! Even if you’re a comfort-zone loving “Cautious” (or married to a “Cautious”) that doesn’t mean that marriage has to be boring.

Here are seven tips to help you end the monotony in your marriage:

1. Head to the bedroom!

Remember that feeling where everything between the sheets was new and exciting? You couldn’t wait to get your hands on your partner! Barbara Deangelis, PhD explains it like this:

“It’s not that you stop feeling attracted to your partner and therefore, the relationship stops working. It’s that you stopped feeling attracted to your partner because the relationship stopped working. When you and your partner stop resonating physically, emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually, you will stop resonating sexually.”

A great way to reconnect is to remember what made you hot and bothered and then ask your partner to do that. It’s okay to tell him or her WHY you want it to; everybody loves reminiscing about the high points in a relationship so your partner will be happy to join you down memory lane.

2. Talk about something besides the day-to-day grindmonotony in your marrige

Money troubles, overbearing bosses, and your kids aren’t the only thing to talk about! Reconnect with your spouse through talking about a dream you can both share. It might be a dream vacation or a house remodel but the key is to be excited about something – together.

It’s not necessarily a plan to put into action! That can cause more stress especially if finances are tight. It’s the opportunity to dream-build together and take you back to the early days of your relationship that will end the monotony in your marriage.

3. Have a date night

Lots of experts recommend having a date with your spouse and it might seem corny or trite. But when was the last time the two of you did something together just for fun? My wife and I like to dine out and then go and watch a movie at the local theater. It helps us reconnect.

4. Take some time for yourself

You don’t need to share every single one of your spouse’s interests. When you spend time doing what you love, you nurture your soul, your creativity and your sense of self. Before you were a wife or a husband, you were YOU. When you reconnect with the things that you loved before you got married, you tap into your inner self. And that lets you bring your centered being to your marriage and support your spouse more effectively.

5. Take something off your spouse’s To Do list

Then use the time for an activity together. It doesn’t have to be a big project – something as simple as mowing the lawn or doing the laundry can go a long way to having your spouse feel loved, appreciated, and seen. The unexpected loving gestures can make you feel more connected.

6. Be spontaneous!

Not everybody is comfortable with spontaneity. For some, the idea of being whisked off for an unexpected romantic weekend is chill-worthy, not thrill-worthy. Know what your spouse would appreciate but never ask for. It could be flowers or dinner. An unforeseen love note in her purse, his wallet, or lunch bag, is the type of surprise anybody can love.

7. Stop fighting

Easier said than done! Sometimes couples fight just to end the routine their marriage has fallen into. Take a hard look at why you’re fighting and work on the root causes. Here are some resources:

Is fighting with your spouse a recipe for divorce?

Stop Arguing In Your Relationship By Showing Marriage Appreciation!

Marriage can be an adventure – if you let it. Here’s to shaking things up!

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About the Author:

Founder of Marriage Academy, Inc., Dr. Gomez is a licensed physician, a Board Certified Psychiatrist, Founding Fellow of the Institute of Coaching Professional Association at Harvard University Medical School and member of the Harvard Business Review Advisory Council. Dr. Gomez’ extensive experience and his passion for helping couples enrich their marriages led him to develop the unique and highly acclaimed Marriage Academy program.